Harken back to middle school when you returned from a break and were given the assignment to write an essay on “What I Did on My (fill in the blank) Vacation.”  Well today I’d like to tell you how I spent Christmas this year.

The holidays of my childhood were always filled with family, friends, festivities and fun, a super abundance of each.  My father made sure there were lots of presents, decorations and all the trimmings that went into making them magical.  The year he was killed (12/18/58), our Christmas was different: silent, somber, and sad.

When Ed and I married two years later, we started our own traditions to celebrate the joys of the season despite the unhappy memories.  We had fifty-six wonderful Christmases together.  The year he passed (12/9/16) I was numb with grief but comforted in the embrace of loved ones–another different Christmas.

Last year, still in bereavement, I was nevertheless able to enjoy some of the festivities of the holidays.  Without MY belovED things were different, but I still had my family, friends, and some familiar traditions.

This year, Stephanie and her family went to Wisconsin to celebrate Christmas with Peter’s Mother and sisters, something they had not done in the twenty-three years they’ve been married.  My son Ed exchanged shifts with one of his coworkers who had a four-year-old son and wanted to be home to play Santa.  For the first time in my life, I would be HO ME ALONE for Christmas.

Maisy, the Siegrist’s black lab, stayed with me while they were away, so I did have some company, but except for her simple needs of food twice a day and a few short walks, she made no demands on my attention or requirements of my time.

I attended an international carol sing at our parish church on Sunday afternoon. where nearly a dozen nationalities were represented in song by members of the congregation, including, Polish, Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, French, German, Swedish, Philippine, Chinese, Indian, and Korean.  Afterwards there was a reception with traditional desserts and delicacies from the different lands.  The chruszcziki and imported chocolates I contributed disappeared in minutes, proving you don’t have to know how to pronounce them to enjoy eating them.

On Christmas Eve I attended the five o’clock Mass, preceded by a half hour of carol singing by the children’s choir.  Then our pastor processed in carrying the infant Jesus to place in the manger.  He was accompanied by twelve little angels (preschoolers dressed in white robes and gold garland halos).  For the homily father read them a story about a little fir tree that provided food and shelter to the animals of the forest and was rewarded for its kindness.

On Christmas morning I was awakened  by the radio announcer offering the following greeting:   Merry Christmas! whether you are traveling, celebrating with family and friends or spending the day in blessed solitude.  BLESSED SOLITUDE – that was so much better than saying “alone.”

I took Maisy out for her morning walk. It had snowed during the night so the ground was covered with an undisturbed blanket of white. The air was crisp, the sky vibrant blue. When we returned a few minutes later there was a light flurry even though the sun was shining.

After breakfast I put our favorite Christmas CD’s on the stereo (yes I still have one) and listened, really listened to the Polish kolendy, Celtic hymns, contemporary carols and familiar music of the holidays.  They weren’t background music while I did other chores; I took the time to actually hear the words and appreciate the melody and the message.  One of Ed’s favorites was the Polish lullaby, Lulajze. Jezuniu.  I had never noticed that it was included on the Irish  album.

I reread the Christmas cards I had received, some of them contained handwritten messages: updates of children’s accomplishments and awards, the birth of a new grandchild, another great-grandchild, a niece’s engagement–all assurances that life and love continue despite the horrible headlines of a country in crisis or the worries of the world.

When my son returned from work Christmas evening we  had dinner and exchanged gifts by the light of my new three-foot pre-lit tree decorated with white ornaments and golden icicles. There is also one crystal icicle that represents a tear. It was another different Christmas.  Without distraction I experienced the sacred peace and simple beauty of the blessed event.

We all have the capacity to discern spiritual qualities in the world.  We can see beauty, integrity, honesty,  joy, peace, harmony,  intelligence, and so forth.  None of these  is tangible, yet we are able to perceive and be inspired by them.  We can behold kindness, gratitude and love.  Perhaps we may not be able to change the world, but we can change the way we see the world. That is what makes the difference.

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A Good News Announcement:  In addition to Lives Cut Short, Long and Lasting Love and News and Views, another category has been added to the Blog:   Lessons of Life and Love for Children,  presented by eBear– cute, cuddly, blue eyed and blond, modeled after my sister Cathie and inspired by the following poem.

Lessons from a Teddy Bear

Learn to LISTEN like a Teddy Bear,

With ears open and mouth closed tight.

Learn to FORGIVE like a Teddy Bear,

With a kind heart, not caring who is right.

Learn to LOVE like a Teddy Bear,

With arms spread wide and imperfect sight.

Do not ask for your load to be lightened,

But for the STRENGTH to endure.

Do not seek perfection in all you do,

But the WISDOM to not repeat mistakes.

Finally, do not ask for more

Before saying, “THANK YOU,”

For what you have already received.

And remember… with GOD’S HELP

There is no CHALLENGE that cannot be met

And no DREAM that cannot be achieved. 

Adapted from a poem in

Sometimes God  Has a Kid’s Face

Covenant  House  2010